Oh… you’re not dating anyone? at all?

The older you get, the more and more marriage posts seem to pop up everywhere. And I don’t just mean friends getting married (even though that’s usually all I see on Facebook these days), I mean people posting blogs about marriage, tweeting marriage advice, giving you that sad pitiful look whenever you mention that you’re single…

I’m single and I’M PROUD, so there! hmph! 

Well, most days anyway–Other days, I just sob and look at forever alone memes (just kidding!)

Instead of wondering why I’m alone, you should be proud of me! I refuse to settle for some raggedy excuse for a mate, or to date someone that I know I have no future with just because society is telling me that it is necessary. Yes, I’m in my twenties, yes, I’m attractive, and yes, I’m educated, and yes, I am single. It’s not the end of the world so stop looking at me as if I’m going to start crying at any moment because I don’t have a boyfriend/fiance/husband and stop asking me if I’m seeing anyone yet. 

There are plenty of people unhappy in their relationships so wouldn’t you prefer for me to be single and loving life? 

Chrissy & Mr. Jones

There is a show on VH1 called Chrissy & Mr. Jones, and even though I haven’t watched all the episodes, their situation got me thinking.

Basically, Chrissy Lampkin and Jim Jones have been together for over 8 years. On Love & Hip Hop, she proposed to him and he didn’t really say yes. About a year later, he proposed, and now they are engaged. They have been engaged for some time and have lived together for years.
She is somewhere around 40, and he’s 36. And they still aren’t married. In a recent episode, she’s trying to freeze her eggs so they can have children when they eventually get married, but she says that they’re not ready to get married any time soon.

In my mind, they will never get married. If y’all living like you’re married for years, and you’re still “not ready”, what makes you think you’ll ever get married? And at the end of the day, all I can hear is my mama’s voice in my head saying “he’ll never buy the cow if he can get the milk for free”.

For me personally, I can’t imagine staying with someone who can’t see himself married to me. If you can’t make that commitment, why are we still together? Just for kicks? for laughs? That’s not enough for me. But maybe, that’s just me.

My question to the men out there, do you feel the want to marry your girlfriend after y’all have been together/lived together for years? Or does it feel more like an obligation/requirement just to keep her happy?

And to the women, would you be okay with a situation like this? Or at the end of the day, do you still expect to get married?

I’m really curious to hear what people have to say about this issue.

 

An Explanation

Hello world,

Earlier this summer, I was having a major meltdown to say the least. I felt as if everything that I was planning was crumbling beneath me. And I’m a planner. I can’t couldn’t have my life in shambles. And so I was insanely stressed, and it was apparent in everything that I wrote. So I just needed to stop writing.

But I’ve learned from this summer. I’ve gained new patience, understanding and peace. It was definitely a time of soul searching and prayer, and now all is right with the world. Well, not really, but I’m doing a much better job of handling the madness that was, is and will always be my life.

Thank you for your patience. I’m BACK! 😀

-Jacinda<3

Hiatus…

Every single time I start to write a post, I realize how incredibly sad it sounds. I try to think of something good or happy to write. My mind goes blank. I’m going through a lot right now so instead of writing tons of depressed blogs, tweets, etc., I’m just taking a hiatus from everything. It’s for the best. I don’t know if/when I’ll be back to beautifullyridiculous.

Continue to pray for me.

Sigh.. sigh… sigh…….

The amount of self doubt I’ve been feeling lately is growing exponentially. The fear of graduation and the unknown plus the complete and utter failure that is the internship that I currently have is making me crazy/depressed. On paper, this summer was going to be great. In reality, nothing is going well.

I have never really been the girl who can just live and let live. I can have spontaneous moments or days, but when it comes to major life choices I will analyze the hell out of every possibility. My days are filled with pro/con lists; my nights are filled with worry.

I’ve been “passionate” about several different things throughout my college career. And the fact that my goals can change so much so easily makes me wonder if I really want any of it at all. Life has never confused me as much as it does now.

Yes, I’m quite aware that this feeling is “normal”. I understand that many soon-to-be grads feel this way. Especially those with a liberal arts major that doesn’t completely give them a definite career path (maybe I should have been an engineer? ha!) But knowing these facts doesn’t make this any less trying.

Please pray for me as I continue on this journey. God is the only truth that I have.

Congrats!

This weekend my brother graduated from University of Arkansas School of Law! I couldn’t possibly be more proud. Watching him overcome obstacles and still come out with his head held up high and an incredibledegree gives me inspiration to keep going! Never give up! God can always make a way, and if you follow Him, He will help you reach your goals! Keep moving.

This year my older brother graduated from law school, my younger brother will graduate from high school, my cousin and my uncle from grad school, and I will graduate from college! It is a great educational year for us!

The graduate and I! (:

College Bucket List

Howdy! I know I haven’t really been keeping up with this blog, and I deeply apologize. But that’s the beauty of a blog right? There’s no rules, and I can do what I want so I’m not going to act like I’m going to start doing better because I might, but I might not. Shrug.

But on to the topic at hand. For those of you who have read my blog, you may know that I will be graduating from college in December. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my college career is ending. It’s been an amazing three years so far, and I definitely want to milk this college experience for all it’s worth. Once it’s over, it is really over so I made a bucket list of sorts that I want to do before December 14th. Some of it is completely ridiculous, lame, nerdy, weird. Don’t judge me.

1. Go out bar/club hopping in a new city and speak with only a foreign accent.
2. Go to a drive in movie!
3. Go to a concert. (I’ve never been to a real concert for a major artist before)
4. Run a 5k. (I’m not a runner so this will definitely be a task!)
5. Take a picture with Reveille and Dr. Loftin! (Only an Aggie will understand why)
6. Road trip to somewhere outside of the state.
7. Take a spur of the moment trip. Go on southwest and find some cheap tickets and just GO!
8. Play a prank on someone and put it on youtube!
9. Go pond hopping (Another Aggie thing).
10. Pamper myself for an entire weekend– Stay in a nice hotel, take myself out for a fancy dinner, get a massage, etc.
11. Publicly sing karaoke. Badly. With Dancing.
12. Skydive.Bungee Jump. Something insane.–I really want to do it!
13. See a musical.
14. Go to a rodeo.
15. Hit on a random stranger.
16. Buy some expensive alcohol and see if it’s really worth it.
17. Give at least $100 to charity.
18. Send someone flowers for no reason.
19. Where a shirt that says life and hand out lemons on campus!
20. Leave random notes on cars.
21. Paintball.
22. Go salsa dancing.
23. Learn to belly dance.
24. Solve a Rubik Cube.. This may never happen
25. Find love…………….. (lol yeah, I’m completely joking with this one)

I know I’m pretty lame lol, but these are just some random things that I thought about doing. Anyone else have any suggestions for things I should do before I leave college??

Lessons Learned (or in progress)

1. Be grateful. No matter what is going wrong, there is ALWAYS a reason to give thanks. You might not have everything you want…You might not even have everything you need. But as long as you’re still breathing, there is a chance to make something better, and that is something to be grateful for.

2. Don’t wait on the “right time”. You may never feel completely ready when an opportunity presents itself, but don’t be afraid to go for it. Some things are once in a lifetime, and if you keep waiting for this non-existent perfect time, you may miss your opportunity completely. Stop being scared and live life. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

3. Be happy with yourself. If you aren’t happy with you, then you can’t expect anybody else to change that. Date yourself for a while. Learn about who you are and what brings you joy and embrace those things. Only when you are truly happy will you successfully be able to join your life with another.

4. Steer clear of the green eyed monster. If you’re constantly comparing your life, your appearance, your job, your bank account, etc., to another, you will always be mad. There will ALWAYS be someone who has a bigger house, a nicer car, looks better, or has more money. Don’t worry about what everyone else has. Just enjoy what YOU have.

5. Don’t focus on what you don’t want to happen. If you spend all of your time stressing about what could go wrong, you’ll miss what goes right. Stop over-analyzing everything. Just stop. It is not doing you any good.Thinking too much will just create problems that weren’t even there in the first place.

6.Everyone is not going to love you. When there are people in your life that don’t wish you the best, they bring down your spirit. Let the Negative Nellies fly out of your life. Don’t get me wrong, you need people who will be honest with you. But you DON’T need someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

7. Be patient and flexible. Everything is NOT going to happen exactly when you want it. Don’t try so hard to stick to that 10 year plan that you made. It is good to have goals, but remember that everything happens for a reason. Just because it doesn’t happen when you think it should doesn’t mean that it won’t happen at all.

8. The best things in life are free. Honestly, I have never had much money. I’ve struggled to pay bills. I’ve taken the bus because I couldn’t afford gas. I’ve cried because I didn’t know how I would get by. But the things in life that truly stick with me are the days spent with family when I couldn’t stop laughing or the lying in the arms of a loved one. You don’t have to have a lot of material things in order to have happiness.

Trayvon Martin

Just thinking about what happened to this kid makes me so sad and angry. Plenty of people have already blogged about it so I’m not going to go into details, but PLEASE sign the petition for the prosecution of his killer, George Zimmerman. It only takes a minute. Let’s get justice for him and his family.

http://www.change.org/petitions/prosecute-the-killer-of-17-year-old-trayvon-martin

Poetry..

So I don’t typically share what I write, but I just feel like the blogging world is a safe place. (:

Fear

I’m afraid.

I admit it.

And I don’t want to let go of that fear

because the last time I did,

heartbreak came and pushed me into a sea of pain and despair.

I felt like I’d been throttled full blast into the depths of hell.

I hate that pain.

So I’ll stay afraid.

I don’t even want to ask to find out where your heart lies.

And I sure as hell don’t want to assume and make an ass out of you,

well, pretty much just me.

I can’t even fully admit to myself that I want you for fear that

that admission would just pay my admission back into that sea of hell

so I remain afraid.

In my mind,

fear is better than pain,

hope is better than rain,

so I’ll remain silent.

If things never change so be it.

I’ll be fine alone.

Maybe a little crazy,

and at times, a little lonely,

but I’ll be just fine alone.